Tsesok Jamkyong Ling:

This year our goat life-release started auspiciously with three white male goats, babies who were saved from the brink of death. This all began with a message from my dear dharma sister Cecilia. Cecilia had heard about the three baby boys, who were about to be sold for their meat. I alerted Lingtrul Rinpoche and then we checked with Terri, who said she was happy to welcome these three boys to their home. I met Terri, her assistant Paige, and Terri’s beautiful grandson Zayne at Lafayette Animal Hospital, where Terri was taking one of her dogs in for treatment. From there, we drove together in Terri’s truck to Brentwood.

When we arrived, we met an acquaintance of Cecilia who was selling these three beautiful baby boys. He was keeping the mothers and the daughters to breed them but had decided to sell the boys to someone who was going to slaughter them for their meat, to make a recipe that called for young male goats. Cecilia had asked him to sell them to us instead as a favor to her, and he obliged, even though he could have made more money selling them to someone else. The man and Paige loaded the boys into the enclosed back of Terri’s truck. It was the last time that these boys would see their mothers and their sisters.

I told their families that we were taking them to a good place, that the boys would live out their natural lives in freedom and peace, that they would never be slaughtered for their meat — that we would take good care of them. I think they understood, if not everything, they understood something in my voice and tone because they seemed calm.

The baby boys were screaming as they were carried into the truck. Later I told them not to worry, that they were going to a good place, that they would be taken care of. It was sad to see their families being pulled apart but it was a whole lot better than the alternative. Paige brought out little goat treats and gave them to the boys as we drove home. The boys sniffed at the treats and tried to crunch them. They were calm and peaceful for the rest of the trip, popping their little heads up to look at us from the back of the truck, their little oval pupils gazing at us curiously.

Later the three beautiful white baby boys arrived safely at Terri’s ranch to their new home. Three lives saved.

Later that night, Terri called me with some exciting news. Terri had asked Freddie, a rancher who had helped us many times before. When Tashi, a goat that we bought, escaped into the wild where coyotes were prowling, he was the one who brought her back safely. He had also sold us goats before and Terri has always found him to be honest and fair.

Terri had asked him to look for a good deal — for goats that were being sold at a good price — because recently the market price for goats had become quite expensive. We were hoping for a good deal because it would allow us to save more lives. We hadn’t heard anything up to this point, but then Terri texted me in the evening and asked me to call her. She told me that Freddie had found a good deal and that two truckloads of goats, totaling 220, would be delivered the next day.

The next day the goats were delivered to Happy Valley, and later Terri told me after the headcount that there were actually 235 goats. When I went to see them, Terri told me that the goats were from a woman who ran a sustainable farm. The goats that we bought were all neutered males because she kept the females and sold the males for meat to help support her farm. This farm also donates meat to poorer people in the community. These goats looked shiny, happy, and healthy. 235 lives saved.

We weren’t sure if Freddie was going to be able to find anything and so we had already planned to go to the Fresno livestock auction on the 23rd of May. Now that we had goats from Freddie’s contact, we still had a significant amount of money left to spend so we kept our original plans.

On May 23rd, I got up at 3 a.m. so that I could be out the door by 4 a.m. Venerable Lingtrul Rinpoche arrived at my house with Tashi, a Tibetan man who helps every year with these releases. Tashi had generously offered to drive, and he drove us to Orinda where we met Terri and Egon. We visited a coffee shop in Orinda and headed on our way to Fresno. We arrived at the livestock auction in Fresno around 8 a.m. after having breakfast on the road. The day was young but already you could tell it was going to be scorching.

We walked around to look at the animals and get a sense of how the land was laid out. In one of the first pens we saw young baby goats — they stood unsteadily on their legs. Their mothers were nowhere in sight. As soon as I walked over, some crowded towards me, looking at me with innocent and trusting eyes. I reached my hand in and many of them tried to suckle because they were hungry and looking for milk and comfort. There was no water or food in sight for them. Terri saw a pair of small spotted pigs and she vowed that she would save them, even at the risk of making her husband and son upset.

We walked around and looked at all the animals. Rinpoche’s eyes were filled with compassion and he recited mantras continuously. Tashi and I tried surreptitiously to give as many animals as we could water that was mixed with mendrup, so that the animals could receive blessings and so that they would be free from rebirth in the lower realms, but it wasn’t easy. We stuck out like sore thumbs and people were already glaring at us suspiciously wondering what we were doing.

Later, inside the auction barn, it was already getting hot. The animals were driven through one by one or in groups while the auctioneer rattled off numbers in a continuous, relentless monotone. The first man driving the animals through hit them repeatedly and hard, often striking them brutally in the face.

The terrified screams of the animals and the sounds of WHACK WHACK WHACK reverberated through the air. The animals were so scared that they were soiling themselves. In a panic, they ran around, kicking up dust. The air inside was stifling hot and filled with dust and animal waste.

Every time an animal was hit, especially when it was a hard hit, I saw and could feel Rinpoche, Terri, Tashi, and myself flinching. Rinpoche’s mala was rolling continuously and his face was stricken with compassion as the parade of suffering unfolded before us. Tashi had his mala out and he was saying prayers too. I also recited mantra as I watched the countless animals screaming and suffering in front of us.

Some of the animals were so hoarse from screaming that their voices had already given out — they were still screaming in fear and pain as they were being driven and struck but what came out were only hoarse cries. The other people around us laughed and joked and talked at ease, seemingly immune to the suffering unfolding in front of them.

Some of them stared at the poor screaming animals with a strange blank look — almost like contempt or disgust. I was wondering why they couldn’t feel what we felt and then I realized that they saw these animals as meat. There was coldness and calculation in their faces as they watched the parade of screaming suffering beings led before them — they were appraising them for how much flesh they could harvest, how much profit they could make.

We felt helpless as we saw pigs and sheep led and driven before us with cruelty. Rinpoche, Tashi, and I did mantra and prayers but there wasn’t much else we could do — we couldn’t buy those animals. When the first lot of goats came and Terri raised her hand and began bidding, she didn’t stop until we won them.

Suddenly the heaviness in the air lifted a bit. We couldn’t help but smile. These lives would be safe. And then it began. We started bidding and we won lot after lot after lot. The atmosphere changed. I could feel the crowd’s attention focused on us. I myself was too shy to look into the crowd. The seating in the auction barn was shaped like a U and people were staring at us. Afterwards, Rinpoche and Tashi told me that people were looking at us and shaking their heads in disapproval. They must have thought we were crazy because we were buying as many goats as we could.

After seeing all the suffering screaming animals that we couldn’t do anything for — except saying prayers — it felt good to be able to save the ones we could. We laughed and smiled whenever we won a lot. At one point Rinpoche laughed loudly and clapped his hands together in celebration after we won a mother goat and her small children.

A black man next to Rinpoche told him that we must own a big restaurant. Someone asked Terri if she was going to eat all the goats herself and she replied to them with a blank stare. I felt adrenaline pumping through my veins, like I was at war. And in a way I was because real lives were at stake.